Are you 20, single and ready to mingle? Because I am đ
⌠Just kidding, Iâm ethnic.
So youâve hit the milestone age of 20 and you still donât have a romantic partner? That might be because you donât have time, what with your commitment to uni, work or the gym (ok maybe not the last part). Or it could be because your aunties are bustling about, hiring matchmakers and unknowingly signing you up to websites like halalmuslimmarriages.com (donât search for it, it doesnât exist⌠Iâve tried).
Thatâs right, youâre ready to get married. If youâre reading this going, âWHAAAAA?â itâs likely because you donât share the struggle (lucky you). Let me give you the low down. Not all parents or families from a CaLD background encourage their youngins to marry, but some do. It can start when a child hits puberty and although itâs illegal in Australia, it does still occur. You have to be at least 18, or have a court approval to marry if you are at least 16. Sometimes families arrange a marriage overseas but it has to be a valid marriage in that country and recognised as valid under our law if say, that marriage took place over here (according to the Australian government).
There are multiple reasons you might marry young, some being:
- Youâre in love (if thatâs you, good for you);
- Your parents think youâre in love and they want to make it âlegitimateâ before you go around canoodling, or because they think you already are;
- Your parents are afraid youâll fall in love and start canoodling;
- That one member in your community whose name you donât even know caught you walking with little Jimmy or Janice on the sidewalk and your parents donât want to be shamed in front of them;
- Your parents think youâre getting old, youâre increasing your chances of infertility by the day and if youâre female, your ovaries are shrivelling into sultanas;
- Your parents want grandkids because you failed them by becoming a âprofessional rapperâ;
- Your cousin wants to come into the country (yes, that is a thing);
- Itâs your chance to have that lavish wedding youâve dreamed of since you were 12 and the final step to making it come true is hunting for that significant other;
- You just finished school and you realise your ATAR isnât going to take you anywhere but down the aisle (of a supermarket as a checkout chick, or dude);
- Or just because you were told your life would be incomplete if you didnât get married and youâre worried about dying alone and ugly so you leap at the first chance you get and hope he/she look like George Clooney or Miranda Kerr.
I once thought that the only important thing that could come out of my life was getting married. I was in high school and I didnât see any opportunity beyond that aside from further education. Iâm not trying to convince you not to get married or to hold it off, but just to consider all the opportunities you may have in life and remember, thereâs no rush. And if youâre already convinced by what Iâm saying but your parents donât agree, here are some tips to help you kick them off the marriage bandwagon:
- Make a plan.
- Get serious! â And I donât mean in a relationship. If youâre studying or working, prove to your parents that youâre invested in your future by showing them your hard work and achievements.
- Do your research! â If they believe this is your prime time of popping babies like you pop pills (we wonât talk about that today), educate them. Ask your doctor to convince your parents that you wonât be infertile by 25. Letâs face it, theyâll believe a professional any day over you.
- Communicate effectively â Maybe youâve tried that, but the way you communicate a message impacts the response you receive. Have an âadult conversationâ by being rational and using logic, not being too emotional.
- Empathise! â Show that you value their opinion and understand their motives. Ethnic parents love respect.
- Create a positive space â You donât have to sit them down so seriously like youâre going to confession. Use it as bonding time while doing something they enjoy, to show them their approval is important to you. I find talking in the car helps, but beware you canât escape.
Iâm lucky that I donât face that pressure because there are many other things Iâm concerned about⌠like how to get Orlando Bloom to notice me. But I do know what itâs like to be in that situation and I acknowledge that this advice may not work because letâs face it, ethnics are stubborn. Youâre not the first person to deal with this and you shouldnât have to do it alone. There are other multicultural people in the same situation that can give you advice and you can seek professional help.
Sources:
https://www.ag.gov.au/FamiliesAndMarriage/Marriage/Pages/Getting-married.aspx
https://www.ag.gov.au/CrimeAndCorruption/HumanTrafficking/Pages/ForcedMarriage.aspx