YEP Volunteer Blog Post – Anna: Sexual Assertiveness – The Power to Say NO

How easy or difficult is it for you to talk about sex? Do you feel comfortable with starting a conversation about whether you want to have sex with your partner, or whether you would rather like to wait? Or, could you initiate a conversation about protection from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and birth control? Being able to talk honestly about sex can certainly be called a skill, and it is one with a high degree of difficulty.

There are at least two forms of sexual assertiveness, which are important for anyone to consider. The first includes telling a current or potential partner what you expect and want in your sexual relationship. However, saying openly and clearly what you desire can be hard: What if your partner interprets your request in the wrong way and sees it as criticism? What if you feel embarrassed about what you wish for?

A second and maybe even more important form of sexual assertiveness is reflected in the understanding that you do not have to have sex unless you want to, that it is not okay for anyone to touch or kiss you if you do not want them to, and that you do not have to do anything sexually with which you are not comfortable. So, for me, being sexual assertive means to state with assurance and self-confidence what you want and even more important what you DO NOT want in a sexual relationship.

Though I know we have various reasons why we do or do not want to say no. We might not want to disappoint our sexual partner, be afraid that they think badly of us, or that we jeopardise our relationship by stating our thoughts. Hence, and to make thinking about sexual assertiveness a little easier, I thought of a couple of guidelines that might be helpful in establishing our own power to say what we want:

  • First of all, understand that you have sexual rights and most importantly the right to say NO. If you feel uncomfortable in any intimate situation or are not ready to do whatever you and your partner are thinking of doing, know that you can refuse sexual contact at any time regardless of how aroused your partner might be. You have the right to have your wishes respected.

 

  • Try to think of and identify the ideas and beliefs that keep you from speaking up. Maybe you are under the impression that asking for a condom will kill the mood or that starting a conversation about STIs will scare your partner away. If you are aware of your beliefs, you can start replacing them with others that will encourage you to express your needs.

 

  • Understand that there is a difference between being assertive and not respecting what your sexual partner desires. Therefore, when talking for example about what you do not want, you should acknowledge what the other person is feeling, clearly state which activity you do not want to engage in, and explain your reasons. For example, your partner might want to engage in sexual intercourse without a condom. Because you do not want to take the risk of transmission of STIs or pregnancy you do not want to agree to their request. By explaining your thoughts, you are validating your partner but simultaneously express your wishes, beliefs, and rights.

 

  • A thing that I feel is one of the most important aspects of assertive communication is to say what YOU want. For instance, “I don’t want to have sex right now” as opposed to “You are pressuring me to have sex with you”. In my experience your request is much more likely to be heard if you state it as your request. Nevertheless, I’d urge you to speak up however you can! A simple no can be all you need.

 

  • One last thing you might want to consider is discussing your sexual views, experiences, and desires with your partner before you actually engage in any kind of sexual activity. Being assertive can be much harder in the heat of the moment.

By being sexually assertive you do not only have the skills to tell your partner what you want but can express what you do not want – you have the power to say NO. Unquestionably, sexual assertiveness is a difficult skill to acquire but onCE established you will be able to protect yourself against STIs, unwanted pregnancy, or unwanted sexual advances.

AND, You will be able to enjoy sex for all its beautiful aspects.

 

 

178 thoughts on “YEP Volunteer Blog Post – Anna: Sexual Assertiveness – The Power to Say NO”

  1. My spouse and I stumbled over here different page and thought I should check things
    out. I like what I see so now i’m following you.
    Look forward to looking over your web page again.

  2. Wow, awesome blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
    you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site
    is wonderful, as well as the content!

  3. Howdy! This post could not be written much better!
    Looking through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He always kept talking about this. I’ll forward this information to him.
    Pretty sure he’ll have a great read. Many thanks for sharing!

  5. I think this is one of the such a lot vital information for me.
    And i’m glad studying your article. But should observation on few basic things,
    The website style is ideal, the articles is actually nice : D.
    Good task, cheers cheap flights 3gqLYTc

  6. I read this article fully concerning the difference of newest
    and previous technologies, it’s remarkable article.

    34pIoq5 cheap flights

  7. I like what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and reporting!
    Keep up the terrific works guys I’ve added you guys to our blogroll.
    cheap flights yynxznuh

  8. Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude!

    Many thanks, However I am going through troubles with your RSS.

    I don’t understand the reason why I can’t subscribe to it.

    Is there anybody else having identical RSS problems?
    Anyone who knows the solution can you kindly
    respond? Thanx!!

  10. Good way of describing, and fastidious paragraph to take information on the topic of my presentation subject matter, which i am going
    to present in university.

  11. Hey! This is my first visit to your blog! We are
    a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche.
    Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!

  13. What i don’t realize is actually how you are not actually a lot more well-liked than you might be now.
    You are very intelligent. You know thus considerably when it comes to
    this topic, made me in my opinion imagine it from a lot of
    varied angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be fascinated except it’s something to do with
    Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs excellent. All the time deal with it up!

  108. I’m impressed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both educative and amusing, and without a doubt, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is an issue that too few men and women are speaking intelligently about. Now i’m very happy I stumbled across this during my hunt for something concerning this.

  141. I not to mention my guys have been examining the best tips and tricks on your web site and so immediately I had a terrible feeling I had not expressed respect to the website owner for those tips. My boys had been totally glad to learn all of them and now have truly been taking pleasure in them. Thank you for actually being well considerate and also for deciding upon this sort of awesome useful guides most people are really eager to be informed on. Our sincere apologies for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.

  148. Hello there! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this page to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

  152. Fantastic beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear concept

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

What's happening at YEP

Safe Schools Coalition WA: Introductory Session

Read more »

YEP at Fairground 2016

Read more »

Meet the team

Page not found

Meet the crew »

Let's keep in touch

or

Subscribe and receive monthly updates on news and our latest resources.

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Where are we?

Our offices are with the friendly team and YACWA

4/196 Oxford Street, Leederville 6007, Western Australia

T: (08) 9227 5440 T: 1800 670 231
F: (08) 9238 7446 E: yep@yacwa.org.au

Follow Us